Funny comedy poems

 

Daffy's Confession

 

He is dead? Really? Why are you looking at me?
Sure, we had problems, but he was my good pal.
We may have had a fight, one, or two, or three.
But I had nothin' to do with him face down in a canal.

What are you talking about, I didn't do that!
The rabbit had more enemies than I can count.
I don't know why you found his fur on my gat.
Getting rid of the Bugs even I couldn't surmount.

Talk to Mr. Fudd, he's always got a gun.
Trying to shoot everything in sight, I've seen!
He thinks killing little animals is lots of fun!
Ol' Elmer has a bad temper and he's very mean.

Really, you gotta believe me, I Loved that bunny!
We worked together all the time, we were tight.
NO I'm not smiling and I don't think this is funny.
Pinning that hare's demise on me just ain't right!

I don't know where I was twelve hours ago.
I could have been in the rabbit's dumb hole.
We were getting ready to do a big show.
You must all think I have a cold wicked soul!

Ok, Ok, I did it! The freaking rabbit had it coming.
Now, I'M the star! and the show I will be running!

My Street Ballin' Bigfoot

I met a bigfoot today,
at least eight feet tall.
He was all brown and gray
and I gave him a B-ball.

Then I took him to the court
and showed him how to play.
I taught him this new sport,
trash talk and what to say.

Introduced him to some groups,
the very best on the street.
Challenged 'em to some hoops,
my bigfoot could not be beat!

Then someone said his mama
was big, ugly, and hairy.
This caused a bunch of drama,
my bigfoot got real scary!

He rolled the player up,
turned him into a little ball,
then said “NOW WASUP?”
and bounced him off a wall!

My bigfoot was so mad,
he continued, “I'm no punk!”
and I really did feel bad
when he slammed him with a dunk!

My Kitty Cat is Scared

I'm poor and out of money,
my kitty seems so scared.
She looks at me so funny,
like I'm gonna shave her hair.
Then put her in a pot
and cook her up for dinner.
She knows it's all I got
and that I'm getting thinner.
I tell her do not fear,
even though I'm getting frail.
Well maybe just an ear,
and that tasty looking tail.

Baby's Proud Moment

Mommy! Look at me! I just went pee pee!

I pulled down my diapie and let it all out!
What are you runnin' and yellin' all about?
I am sure I did all the steps perfectly good.
and used the imaginary toliet right where I stood!

Do you actually walk around naked on your birthday,
and if so, does anyone ever say, “Hey nice suit”

 

 

A bugs life...

Poor little insects of the summer lawn,
living so happily from dusk to dawn.

But for the mower of death bringing forth it's fury,
reaping blades from above, now judge and jury.

Then a little hopper appeared from under the beast,
leaving behind spinning chaos and all the deceased.

A valiant little grasshopper, so very brave,
escaping certain death and an early grave.

Thought, “Damn that was close” as he jumped and fled,
when suddenly a little girl stomped right on his head!

Poor little insects of the summer lawn....

Doggonit Get Out

Of My Way!

Don't you know I'm late for work,
now step on the pedal you stupid jerk!

Your car is much too slow, it's driving me nuts,
I will stay on this damn horn you lame putz!

Move your ride and get out of my way!
I really don't care what you have to say!

I will take off this seat belt and go in a rage,
being stuck behind you is worse than a cage.

If I get outta my car I'm gonna bite you in the ass,
then pull out the lead and make you put it on the gas.

I want to play

some ball!

I want to play some football, it really looks like fun,
I do the best I can, and they say I can really run.
Baseball is so awesome and I badly want to play,
but every time I do they say I'm in the way!
When I go to throw the ball it's like I don't have thumbs.
It seems every time I try, all the kids just say I'm dumb!
Soccer looks amazing, and I try and get the ball,
but I guess the other kids think I'm just too small.
Now tennis is the best, what a truly perfect game,
but it turns into keep away, and it's really not the same.
Whenever I get a chance they call me a ball hog.
they never like the slobber, and call me stupid dog!

Dogs Make

Better Cooks!

Your food is blah, just take one look,
now move on over, you can't cook!
Give me an apron, and pass me a fork.
I'll make roast poultry and then some pork.

Hand me a skillet and give me that hat!
I even know a recipe for barbecue cat.
Some canned dog food sliced real nice,
neatly laid out on a delicious bed of rice.

These human appliances get in my way,
just turning on the stove takes me all day,
and what do I do with this dumb mitt,
not fit for a dog cook, not fit one bit!